Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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