She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
