shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
