first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
