Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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