I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize