So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
