Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
