The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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