I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
