It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
