you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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