I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
