I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
