i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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