I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize