it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
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