and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
