take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
