Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
