I can text with my tongue
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
as a side note pls kill me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
