Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
