I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
