i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
