I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize