I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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