none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Farmville is her only friend.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
