So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
