Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
