I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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