Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
