I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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