I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
