Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
