We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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