angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
