I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
