I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
