your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
