How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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