Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
