someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
