I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
