In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
