Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
