i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
