On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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