im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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