Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
