New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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