genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
