dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
