Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
