My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
