Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize