She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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