I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
