I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
