oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
