Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
