i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
