It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
