honey bunches of taint.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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