Dual....:-)
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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