we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
