the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
