The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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