I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize